Bess is My Emotional Support Chicken

This just in from the New York Times:

“At French Roast on upper Broadway, however, two women sat down to brunch with dogs in tow: a golden retriever and a Yorkie toted in a bag.

They both said that their animals were emotional service dogs,” said Gil Ohana, the manager, explaining why he let them in. “One of them actually carried a doctor’s letter.”

That’s right, folks. People are now getting away with bringing their annoying, yapping little dogs EVERYWHERE with them because they have a doctor’s note. The story continues:

“I had never heard of emotional support animals before,” said Steve Hanson, an owner of 12 restaurants including Blue Fin and Blue Water Grill in Manhattan. “And now all of a sudden in the last several months, we’re hearing this.”

Fortunately, a few people see how silly this is, including this guide dog trainer, who said: “I’ve had teenagers approach me wanting to get their dogs certified. This isn’t cute and is a total insult to the disabled community. They are ruining it for people who need it.”

and a shrink says:

“If a person can’t entertain the idea of going out without an animal, that would suggest an extreme anxiety level,” she said, “and he or she should probably be on medication, in psychotherapy or both.”

And it’s not always dogs.

“These days people rely on a veritable Noah’s Ark of support animals. Tami McLallen, a spokeswoman for American Airlines, said that although dogs are the most common service animals taken onto planes, the airline has had to accommodate monkeys, miniature horses, cats and even an emotional support duck. “Its owner dressed it up in clothes,” she recalled. “

Miniature horses? On a plane? Are you kidding me? Why don’t they choose something small, like an emotional support lizard?

All right, if she gets to have an emotional support duck, I am totally making Bess my emotional support chicken. I need this for my mental health. Just think, fresh eggs everywhere I go.

“Waiter, a martini for me, and some cracked corn for the hen, please.”